I used to be so sweet

When did I become a bitter, judgemental person?
A trip to walmart is no longer just a shopping trip.It is now a place where I
sit and judge. I know it is not my place to do so,but I just cant stop myself.

Every time a woman walks by with her cart full of crying, dirty kids with another one in the oven. I wonder.....what did she do that was so special? from the looks of her she can barley take care of them. I get mad, I get angry and I cry right there in walmart.
Pathetic I know.
Don't get me wrong I am genuinely happy for the couples who I see with there new little ones and a big brother or sister with them.
They are clean and look well kept. I am happy for those people.

But the other 95% walking through this store of poor,dirty,drug abusers.
it is just not fair.
I know that most of these women do deserve there baby's. And I know most of them love there children with all there hearts. Poverty strikes every where and it is not always easy to get ahead.
But the bitter part of me that I wish would go away. just dosen't understand it.
where did the nice person I used to be go? will she ever be back. will time make me better or make me worse.
Today it feels like worse.I hope tomorrow will be better.
I need to go shopping again on Saturday. I hope I can do so with out crying in the store.

Time to reset the alarm clock

I no longer will need to get get up 30 minutes early to take my temperature.

It breaks my heart to be at this stage of my life.
I never in a million years would have thought that having a baby would be so difficult.
Husband and wife love each other very much, have a happy home = BABY!!!!!!!!
I am devastated to think Ben and I will never get to share the wonderful moments of seeing our baby for the first time, hearing it's laughs and cries, and feeling it cuddled up next to our hearts.
I hope that one day he will get to see his own babies eyes staring up at him.
I am not giving up. I am just letting it go.

Where do I go from here I wonder. I have always had a " goal" .I almost feel lost with out one.
New goal- loose some weight, pay off bills. Oh wait Those have always been part of the over all goal.
New goals in life....... I will have to think of some. There are always ways to better yourself. I just cant think of any yet.