ITS ALL THE STUFF

2009

Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I am still in shock it is already gone and done.

2008 was for me just like any other year.
I have nothing I can honestly look back on and reflect.
What that says is neither good or Bad.
My life is stable,So I guess That's the good.
the Bad was not direct at me but those around me.
The people I know who have lost there jobs in the recent months.
There have been more then I would have thought possible.
I see the news but did not think it would hit to close to home.
To my friends. To my family.

Thank God for my older sister Christie. With out her my mom would be out in the streets.
not that she made enough to support herself, but She gets to live at my sisters for free.
Christie recently had her basement finished and it is wonderful! Her and Tracy did an excellent job.So now it is almost like my mom has a full size apartment.
Christie- You are wonderful and I love you!

Christmas was good.
Thanksgiving was good.

OK bring on the summer!!!!!!
I am ready to go camping and sit in the warm sun.
we are thinking of going on a cruise this summer.
Guess I will just have to wait and see.

Dustin- I am sorry I have not been out yet to see you.
I hope one of us makes the effort soon to travel.
I love you and I miss you.
give your family a big kiss for me.

Sorry it has been so long

Well here it is November. I just can not believe how fast this year has gone.
I am still excited about the up coming holidays.
Not to sure if that will change as they get closer or not. We are hoping to get everything early for Christmas so we can just relax the closer it gets.

Last Night, (Halloween) after the girls went out to trick or treat.



Mom, Christie and her family where
over for dinner.Afterwords, we watched scary movies

The movie( strangers)was not as scary as I thought it would be. But I did jump a few times.

Two weeks ago we drove down to AZ. for our Friend Doug's wedding.
We drove through Vegas which took us past hoover damn.




They are building a new freeway and It was amazing the way they are constructing it.





After passing by we got in to what AZ. really has to off for a view-




That right! Nothing Arizona.
after a bit we finally got to the cactus and Joshua trees.





Where Doug and his family live was very diverse.


Yes someone lives there.



Not unusual to sell a tortoise around here.

I would say for the most part the homes were very run down, But where Doug and His family live there houses where beautiful! not to mention they all have acre lots.
I wish I would have gotten pictures of them. But I didnt want to be rude.



this was the first sunset we saw.


meet the happy couple. Considering it was 101 degrees. They look a cool as a cucumber.





It was a nice trip. A very long car ride.But a nice trip all together.
12 hours straight to drive home.
Ben had me up at 3 am to start our long trek home.

I am sorry it takes me so long to update this. But so far it has taken me two hours just to do this. I hope to update again sooner.

sorry I am such a slacker

Ok I know i am just awful at updating my little page here.
I am very jealous of The beautiful Cazier's page. How do you change everything?

Ok here are a bunch of pics from Camri's 11th bday party.












Matthew and his girfriend Carmen




my little brother Dustin after a game





my cute doggie- yes I know the one is FAT>




All is going well. Both kids are doing as well as they say they can.
We will be driving 11 hours to Arizona in a few weeks to go to one of our Friends weddings. I am looking forward to it. I love new adventures!
I can't wait to make detours and see what we can find.
we are no taking the kids so it will be a good trip. HA HA!! I mean that.

Summer is winding down

We are now in the final stretch of summer. I am not sure If this makes me very happy or a little sad.
On the one hand I will be thankful for the drop in temperature but not to the freezing point.
We went on three camping trips this summer.
Our first was just with the kids to rockport, it was OK but cold at night.
Our second trip we went to a new place called Pallisade park with Ben's friend Josh and his extended family. it was great!! we had a wonderful time and got a bit of golf in.
Josh's family are great. I hope we are invited again next year. The only down side was Matt couldn't come. he had to work.
Our last trip (maybe not the final one) we went to Bear lake. Man I love that lake. it is always so beautiful.Other then the dogs are kinda a pain it was nice.
I say maybe not the final trip, we still have gas in the truck and me and Ben need a night away alone to go fishing.

School will be starting soon and my babies are getting so big.
Camri will be a 6th grader!!!!!! how on earth did that happen so fast.
My little boy will be in 11th. Wow is that a junior?

My days are getting better. I can go shopping without crying.
A step in the right direction.
I still pray for a 2 line surprise, but it no longer haunts me that it may not happen.

I have already decided I am ready for the holidays. I have to make this decision early because before you know it there are going to be Turkeys and Christmas tree's filling the local Walmart's.
yep this year will be a good one.
happy early holidays!

I used to be so sweet

When did I become a bitter, judgemental person?
A trip to walmart is no longer just a shopping trip.It is now a place where I
sit and judge. I know it is not my place to do so,but I just cant stop myself.

Every time a woman walks by with her cart full of crying, dirty kids with another one in the oven. I wonder.....what did she do that was so special? from the looks of her she can barley take care of them. I get mad, I get angry and I cry right there in walmart.
Pathetic I know.
Don't get me wrong I am genuinely happy for the couples who I see with there new little ones and a big brother or sister with them.
They are clean and look well kept. I am happy for those people.

But the other 95% walking through this store of poor,dirty,drug abusers.
it is just not fair.
I know that most of these women do deserve there baby's. And I know most of them love there children with all there hearts. Poverty strikes every where and it is not always easy to get ahead.
But the bitter part of me that I wish would go away. just dosen't understand it.
where did the nice person I used to be go? will she ever be back. will time make me better or make me worse.
Today it feels like worse.I hope tomorrow will be better.
I need to go shopping again on Saturday. I hope I can do so with out crying in the store.

Time to reset the alarm clock

I no longer will need to get get up 30 minutes early to take my temperature.

It breaks my heart to be at this stage of my life.
I never in a million years would have thought that having a baby would be so difficult.
Husband and wife love each other very much, have a happy home = BABY!!!!!!!!
I am devastated to think Ben and I will never get to share the wonderful moments of seeing our baby for the first time, hearing it's laughs and cries, and feeling it cuddled up next to our hearts.
I hope that one day he will get to see his own babies eyes staring up at him.
I am not giving up. I am just letting it go.

Where do I go from here I wonder. I have always had a " goal" .I almost feel lost with out one.
New goal- loose some weight, pay off bills. Oh wait Those have always been part of the over all goal.
New goals in life....... I will have to think of some. There are always ways to better yourself. I just cant think of any yet.