When did I become a bitter, judgemental person?
A trip to walmart is no longer just a shopping trip.It is now a place where I
sit and judge. I know it is not my place to do so,but I just cant stop myself.
Every time a woman walks by with her cart full of crying, dirty kids with another one in the oven. I wonder.....what did she do that was so special? from the looks of her she can barley take care of them. I get mad, I get angry and I cry right there in walmart.
Pathetic I know.
Don't get me wrong I am genuinely happy for the couples who I see with there new little ones and a big brother or sister with them.
They are clean and look well kept. I am happy for those people.
But the other 95% walking through this store of poor,dirty,drug abusers.
it is just not fair.
I know that most of these women do deserve there baby's. And I know most of them love there children with all there hearts. Poverty strikes every where and it is not always easy to get ahead.
But the bitter part of me that I wish would go away. just dosen't understand it.
where did the nice person I used to be go? will she ever be back. will time make me better or make me worse.
Today it feels like worse.I hope tomorrow will be better.
I need to go shopping again on Saturday. I hope I can do so with out crying in the store.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Time to reset the alarm clock
I no longer will need to get get up 30 minutes early to take my temperature.
It breaks my heart to be at this stage of my life.
I never in a million years would have thought that having a baby would be so difficult.
Husband and wife love each other very much, have a happy home = BABY!!!!!!!!
I am devastated to think Ben and I will never get to share the wonderful moments of seeing our baby for the first time, hearing it's laughs and cries, and feeling it cuddled up next to our hearts.
I hope that one day he will get to see his own babies eyes staring up at him.
I am not giving up. I am just letting it go.
Where do I go from here I wonder. I have always had a " goal" .I almost feel lost with out one.
New goal- loose some weight, pay off bills. Oh wait Those have always been part of the over all goal.
New goals in life....... I will have to think of some. There are always ways to better yourself. I just cant think of any yet.
It breaks my heart to be at this stage of my life.
I never in a million years would have thought that having a baby would be so difficult.
Husband and wife love each other very much, have a happy home = BABY!!!!!!!!
I am devastated to think Ben and I will never get to share the wonderful moments of seeing our baby for the first time, hearing it's laughs and cries, and feeling it cuddled up next to our hearts.
I hope that one day he will get to see his own babies eyes staring up at him.
I am not giving up. I am just letting it go.
Where do I go from here I wonder. I have always had a " goal" .I almost feel lost with out one.
New goal- loose some weight, pay off bills. Oh wait Those have always been part of the over all goal.
New goals in life....... I will have to think of some. There are always ways to better yourself. I just cant think of any yet.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Last try
Well I have come to the decision that this will be the last month we try to have a baby.
Emotionally I am exhausted.I will do my last round of Clomid and that is it.
Last month the side effects were just awful, so I hope this month it is a little better.
Maybe If a new Dr joins are insurance I will try again, but at this point the only DR on our plan does not seem to give a crap If we ever get PG or not.
He has not ran any other tests besides the first initial blood tests.
I am just so tired of being sad every month.
Emotionally I am exhausted.I will do my last round of Clomid and that is it.
Last month the side effects were just awful, so I hope this month it is a little better.
Maybe If a new Dr joins are insurance I will try again, but at this point the only DR on our plan does not seem to give a crap If we ever get PG or not.
He has not ran any other tests besides the first initial blood tests.
I am just so tired of being sad every month.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Cut & Colour
It's about time Kathryn got a make over and I was just the person to do it!
Before we headed up to Bendover I took Kathy over to Sherrie's salon.
After a thinning, a little blond and a little red for fun she looks pretty good.
Got her home to my house, curled it a bit, added makeup and walla! She actually looked very pretty.
Me,Ben, Mom, Kathryn, Christie, Tracy, Ben's mom and her friend all loaded up on the bus and we were off.
Once again those darn slots took my money!
I hate loosing money!
Oh well we all had a good time and was home in bed by 4AM.
Happy Mother's day!!
Before we headed up to Bendover I took Kathy over to Sherrie's salon.
After a thinning, a little blond and a little red for fun she looks pretty good.
Got her home to my house, curled it a bit, added makeup and walla! She actually looked very pretty.
Me,Ben, Mom, Kathryn, Christie, Tracy, Ben's mom and her friend all loaded up on the bus and we were off.
Once again those darn slots took my money!
I hate loosing money!
Oh well we all had a good time and was home in bed by 4AM.
Happy Mother's day!!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
it's always nice to get home
We got up nice and early Friday morning. Got all of our things together, Dropped Camri off at school and headed to breakfast.
We were on the road to fun by 9:30 am.
I forgot what a boring drive this is.
Joshua Tree @ 75 MPH
Finally made it. We were an hour behind schedule because Ben just had to find the new In & Out burger they built in st George.
Just another burger if you ask me.
I was not impressed with this Hotel/motel. They really stretch the truth on there website.
Oh well we are here and we are going to have fun!
Ok this casino is not all it is cracked up to be. Saturday morning we have breakfast and head to vegas!
LOL only in Vegas baby!
We parked at the Belagio and walked around for 4 hours. And we only got to see 5 Casino's. This place is just to eXtreme for 1 afternoon.
We ended our trip at the Mirage and walked back to the car.
We were hoping the slots would be a little looser but they were not.
Back on the road again.
Saturday night we walked around and headed the the Casablanca where we met some really fun people at the tables. where in fact we stayed the rest of the night.
Hello Becca and Mitch!
I hope we will be going out with them again soon.
well that concludes our weekend adventure.
Stay tuned in 2 weeks we will see if this round of meds did the trick.
I hardly had any side effects at all this time around.
It was a pleasant change, but now i am worried they didnt do there job right.3
Oh well I guess only time will tell.
Crossing all my fingers and toes!
We were on the road to fun by 9:30 am.
I forgot what a boring drive this is.
Joshua Tree @ 75 MPH
Finally made it. We were an hour behind schedule because Ben just had to find the new In & Out burger they built in st George.
Just another burger if you ask me.
I was not impressed with this Hotel/motel. They really stretch the truth on there website.
Oh well we are here and we are going to have fun!
Ok this casino is not all it is cracked up to be. Saturday morning we have breakfast and head to vegas!
LOL only in Vegas baby!
We parked at the Belagio and walked around for 4 hours. And we only got to see 5 Casino's. This place is just to eXtreme for 1 afternoon.
We ended our trip at the Mirage and walked back to the car.
We were hoping the slots would be a little looser but they were not.
Back on the road again.
Saturday night we walked around and headed the the Casablanca where we met some really fun people at the tables. where in fact we stayed the rest of the night.
Hello Becca and Mitch!
I hope we will be going out with them again soon.
well that concludes our weekend adventure.
Stay tuned in 2 weeks we will see if this round of meds did the trick.
I hardly had any side effects at all this time around.
It was a pleasant change, but now i am worried they didnt do there job right.3
Oh well I guess only time will tell.
Crossing all my fingers and toes!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Bring on the Hot Falshes!
I am starting this month's cycle of fertility meds.
I have 2 refills but I am hoping that I wont need them.
Side effects are- hot flashes, headaches, and what we like to call the "clomid meanies"-slight mode swings!
This will be the 12th round of fertility pills and I hope the last!
Maybe the combo of 12 pills I take EVERY day will finally give us our little baby.
I have 2 refills but I am hoping that I wont need them.
Side effects are- hot flashes, headaches, and what we like to call the "clomid meanies"-slight mode swings!
This will be the 12th round of fertility pills and I hope the last!
Maybe the combo of 12 pills I take EVERY day will finally give us our little baby.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
NO Christmas baby for us!
My EDD would have been Christmas day.
Pro's and Con's
It would have been fun to have a Christmas baby, but it would ruin it for Matt and camri. Not to mention everyone else who would have to come visit me in the Hospital.
That's OK though, there is always next month. Besides me and Ben are going to Vegas for our 3rd. Anniversary on the 2nd of may. So we will get to have an extra good time while we are away.
I cant wait to lie by the pool in the warm sunshine!
Pro's and Con's
It would have been fun to have a Christmas baby, but it would ruin it for Matt and camri. Not to mention everyone else who would have to come visit me in the Hospital.
That's OK though, there is always next month. Besides me and Ben are going to Vegas for our 3rd. Anniversary on the 2nd of may. So we will get to have an extra good time while we are away.
I cant wait to lie by the pool in the warm sunshine!
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